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Most helpful customer reviews
30 of 31 people found the following review helpful.
Brilliant, empirically supported approach
By G. B. Mock
Dr. Stosny has hit a grand slam home run, again. The healing approach in this book grows from the same fertile bed of research and clinical experience that made his boot camp for resentment, anger and abuse reduction so successful. It focuses on a betrayed person claiming and creating for him or herself a Healing Identity. This changes a betrayed person from a victim to an empowered person able to successfully choose improvement, healing, repair, recovery and growth over pain, suffering and shame. Betrayal can cause the betrayed person to feel inadequate and unlovable, the admission of which is too painful to admit. Stosny, as in the boot camp, provides practical steps that replace that loss of worth or value with ways to value yourself more, so much so that external adversity cannot touch the core of one's value. Stosny goes on to provide very wise counsel and steps when one betrayed seeks to love again, either in a new relationship, or in rebuilding a betrayed relationship. This reviewer is a marriage counselor, who has used Dr. Stosny's approach, now wonderfully set forth in this book, with many couples over the past years. It works, and works very effectively. This book is easily accessible by non-clinically trained readers, as it is written for the betrayed partner. Counselors and therapists will find it a valuable resource to grow their skills in helping couples and to give to couples with whom they work. This reviewer cannot recommend this book more highly. It warrants wide distribution to both audiences: couples and clinicians.
25 of 26 people found the following review helpful.
I liked it - but several weak areas
By A.R.T.
This was a helpful read with a really valuable and important premise. However, if you have history of trauma, this book should be used in conjunction with professional help. I really like the idea of building a healing identity and investing in your core value as a path to healing. Some things I thought were lacking: 1) the traumatic nature of betrayal was inadequately dealt with 2) self-compassion is a vital part of the recommendations in this book but it was not fleshed out well 3) there is was not enough instruction on how to help yourself when you feel vulnerable emotions. That being said I've gained something quite useful from reading this book and would recommend reading this while working with a professional. Betrayal is rarely something that can be worked through on your own.
8 of 8 people found the following review helpful.
Very Helpful
By Alicia
This book gave me a lot of useful ideas and exercises that I can put in place now to heal and recover from my spouses infidelity. It has helped me to focus more on the future and how I can move forward rather than obsess about the past.
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